It was a month after I graduated, two months maybe, like most events in my “foolish 20’s” I can’t clearly recall, what I remember is how I always reeked of alcohol and married men’s perfumes, I was filthy and empty. I know this because Ayo, my third or fourth lover told me I smelt like an abandoned house. You see, I do not remember a lot clearly. What I choose not to forget is the restlessness I had, my recklessness was stemming from the fact that I was never going to see you again. You were a piece of my childishness, my innocence, I missed my panic attacks, the way I froze whenever you approached, I missed irritating my friends with long thrilling conversations we had in my fantasies. I missed you.
As an act of rebellion from my loneliness or whatever, I became what I became. The bar at the Nicon hotel became my favorite place in the world, I was there by six every Wednesday to drink alone, rejecting offers from my fellows here to seek comfort we will never find. The “darling, let me buy you a drink” line from one too many old men had a way of warming my insides; it convinced me that we were a lot of lonely people in the world.
It was no small surprise that cloudy evening in October when you decided to walk into my bar. You were standing by the staircase when my teenage stupidity found me. I walked straight past, what if you didn’t recognize me? What if you had changed? Millions of thoughts were pouring through me, my panic attacks were back. “I should stop being so stupid” another voice said, I ordered Martini to stop my shaking hands and travelling thoughts, I imagined your naked bare ivory skin “No, I will call Uche for company and you’ll probably meet up your sweetheart/girlfriend/wife, I didn’t care, you never searched for me”. I was on my third or fifth glass now. I tried to concentrate on the effect of my overpriced drink, still fiddling with the buttons on my phone; I didn’t want Uche’s company. I was looking everywhere but at the staircase when you saw me, I looked away too late, I could swear I saw recognition in your eyes, but you didn’t move, you were still on the other side of the bar, smiling at some girl, I hated that smile so much, it was like you knew something the rest of us didn’t. Obviously your charms were working at her, she smiled back enthusiastically, like some jobless wretch who finally got employed. I was bitter. You were heading towards me now, with that half strut, I tried not to look away, “I’m a grown woman” I wasn’t done bracing myself when you smiled, damn, you knew you were fine, I was staring straight at your eyes now, something about them had changed, they were filled with new stories, I hoped life hadn’t given you more than your fair share of troubles. I sucked in my breath, you still used bvlgari, it was draining my senses, I couldn’t speak, why didn’t you speak?
“it’s been what now, two years?” you said after an uncertain pause, you still had that husky accent, where was it from? I could never place it. I didn’t reply, I didn’t need to, I threw my arms around you, you held me much too tight. I hoped your mind was swirling too, with two years of my worries, why after I told you I loved you, we fell apart, I didn’t want to understand you had a girlfriend, I don’t want to know if you had one now. “You know, I have a room upstairs” the martini was speaking through me and I agreed with it. Today I wanted you; I would bother myself with shame tomorrow. You kept pulling me tight. “You’ve had too much to drink, you’re much too drunk” you sounded unsure. “I know” I said through soft martini kisses, I was tiptoeing pressing my lips on yours, you didn’t object, you parted your lips kissing me more violently. The voices in my head became calm, every inch of me was craving you, your hands were feeling through my clothes, all over my ass, “let’s see that room” you managed to say through ragged breaths.
To be continued…….